Your lit like a cigarette
A city in a valley
When the sun hangs it's hat for the day.
The caterpillar waiting
For his chance to spring
Because timing is everything and it's coming my way.
You're anticipating our realizing:
We.
Have.
Wings.
You will come like a stream
Saturating all you see
Gurgling so joyously.
You will love like the light of day
Kissing all our fears away
We become loving runaways.
I've become a bird
I wear the mask of a fox
Trying to be more clever than before.
When you take my mask away,
I'll become the boy who's treasure hunting still
Or a hermit, knowing he's soil to be tilled.
You're anticipating for me to know:
I.
Am.
Nothing.
You will come like the simple breeze
We don't know why you won't stay
Or where you choose to run away from.
You will love the least of these.
Fools will see their majesty!
And Rich men will turn jesterly!
What a wonderful thing to be
In a kingdom so foreign to me.
A love that won't turn me away!
I will see my ability
To rejoice in all my great failings
And dance with two left feet and sing:
I'm a man of dirt and nothing,
While you are almost anything.
My friends, my kin, my everyone
Is nothing to the shining sun.
Who beams no matter how we shine
And lights our rooms so we may dine.
Take you sceptor made of twigs
And show me life, oh Humble King.
Or you might be a spider
And it's web away from home.
Or the cloud that I find me in
And knowing I'm a fool.
But maybe you're like hope
And we may all be silly folk,
Thinking we can dance and leave war behind.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Angry Peace
What a wonderful thing to be a peacemaker. I'm ready for my next step towards not being angry. Correction: angry for the wrong reasons. I think I put a lot of confusion as to what anger really means, just as there are different meanings to the word forgiveness. Within the Christian Circle, there are often blurs in the meanings of words/terms. Just as an example, and to touch on the surface of the subject, forgiveness is not the same as reconciling. Where repair is ideal, we must realize that not everything will have the knitting back together like our spirits pine for. Forgiveness has many different faces, sometimes false, just like anger.
Anger, in its purest form, is unrest to the point of reaction to a situation with a harsh frustration. I've sometimes included anger in a lot of areas that aren't necessarily things to have the label put on them: guilt, regret, or blame. Just because I have a certain personality type doesn't mean I'm an angry person. To elaborate, I'm opinionated on certain things. My family, in general, is very opinionated. Not as much as some, but enough. We get passionate about things we have very strong connections with. While there are healthy ways to be opinionated, this doesn't mean we are angry. When someone first told me I was opinionated, I remember thinking, "Dear Lord! I'm a horrible person!" where these two things really have nothing to do with anything. When I realized that being opinionated is a way of having a very "judgmental" (or decisive) personality type, the load was lifted a bit. I still don't like the fact I'm an opinionated guy because I use it to react in rash ways, but if people start walking over me with facts that aren't true, I'm able to defend yourself. I have my opinion about music, art, comics and politics. That does NOT mean I'm angry.
Revenge is also not anger. Revenge is something that is, honestly, from the it of hell. If Jesus spoke against such things, as in Matthew 5:38-42, should we declare such things as justifiable or holy? I could go on to suggest that war, an act of revenge, is not considered holy, but that's me being opinionated again. I apologize. Revenge is an ugly thing rooted from bitterness (another factor that will be discussed later) and carried out in an ungodly way. Revenge is us acting in an illegitimate way: it's reaction without thinking. I wish so many times that my being would not have--and still wouldn't, when the time arises--act in ways that are beside my spirit and better understanding. Revenge is not an emotion, like anger is. Revenge is a tool of some demon, which has been very useful for the legion of them. If you'd like to disagree, I'd encourage you to look at the continent just south of Europe. I believe there will be enough genocide and tribal war there to make a sound judgment. Revenge is not anger. It is an unreasonable act.
Bitterness is not anger, either. I would stress to the reader that anger is an emotion and not an action. It's strictly an expression of a state of being. It does not identify you. Bitterness, and the state of it, does. Being bitter means one does not release a situation in their spirit or heart. It's a state where one person/body has placed a circumstance and/or situation that has wronged and scarred them in front of the other party--and sadly not necessarily the party that may or may not have created the bitter party to be a victim--and uses it as a veil to fuel their own being to prolong the anger emotion past the point in which it is healthy. Bitterness is judgment in one's heart which places one in a position where one cannot help but act out of pain, not out of love. Bitterness, as best I can say, is some cancerous version of anger. Bitterness seeps into our beings and created the opposite of forgiveness, which is much harder to undo than the mere temper tantrum. Bitterness teaches us hate, war, and revenge. Anger teaches us that love isn't present in a situation or ourselves and propels us (if we let it) to pursue acts of righteousness.
Spiritually healthy anger tells us that God is absent from a situation, and that it needs to remedied. Take, for example, when Jesus walked into the temple and saw it taken by men who knew nothing of the responsibility of taking on the Lord's name. He's seeing the very commandment God (or He!) gave Moses on Mount Sinai in Matthew 21. ANGRY, Jesus starts overturning tables in the temple where they are selling, changing money, and having doves for sale (which apparently sets God off). Now, the word "angry" is not found in the chapter (verses 12-15) in the New International Version, from which I am referencing the account, but I doubt people were calling Jesus "chuckles" during this. Take, also, Hosea. God, outright, calls Israel a whore. He even goes as far as to say the girl needs to get the other man out between her breasts. Out of this anger--this sheer frustration--God chooses to say, "but I'm going to win her back. Deep down I know she loves me." God judges Israel for her wrong-doings, but not without letting the nation know how he loves them. He is not bitter. What we gather from scripture is that God acts in anger, but not in the anger we always think. We confuse anger with the things aforementioned, and we say God is an angry God. What a false label! God is not an opinionated, revengeful, or bitter God. If he were, he wouldn't have kept trying. If he was bitter, he would not have sent Jesus. Though I am no master of my tongue, or a noble, righteous soldier in all times of my life, I know that my God is love. His whole being is one who loves.
When we find ourselves labeling God as an angry God, let us remember what anger should be, not necessarily our own bitter, revengeful, or harsh judgments. Let us remember our beautiful, love God for the God he says he is. He is a God who simply does not give up. He will keep finding ways that will have men leave their estranged state (2 Samuel 14:14). Our God is not our conventional thinking, but a lovely, wonderful mystery. Let us find the grace and peace that he offers and hold to the love that he constantly feeds us.
Grace and peace to us all.
Anger, in its purest form, is unrest to the point of reaction to a situation with a harsh frustration. I've sometimes included anger in a lot of areas that aren't necessarily things to have the label put on them: guilt, regret, or blame. Just because I have a certain personality type doesn't mean I'm an angry person. To elaborate, I'm opinionated on certain things. My family, in general, is very opinionated. Not as much as some, but enough. We get passionate about things we have very strong connections with. While there are healthy ways to be opinionated, this doesn't mean we are angry. When someone first told me I was opinionated, I remember thinking, "Dear Lord! I'm a horrible person!" where these two things really have nothing to do with anything. When I realized that being opinionated is a way of having a very "judgmental" (or decisive) personality type, the load was lifted a bit. I still don't like the fact I'm an opinionated guy because I use it to react in rash ways, but if people start walking over me with facts that aren't true, I'm able to defend yourself. I have my opinion about music, art, comics and politics. That does NOT mean I'm angry.
Revenge is also not anger. Revenge is something that is, honestly, from the it of hell. If Jesus spoke against such things, as in Matthew 5:38-42, should we declare such things as justifiable or holy? I could go on to suggest that war, an act of revenge, is not considered holy, but that's me being opinionated again. I apologize. Revenge is an ugly thing rooted from bitterness (another factor that will be discussed later) and carried out in an ungodly way. Revenge is us acting in an illegitimate way: it's reaction without thinking. I wish so many times that my being would not have--and still wouldn't, when the time arises--act in ways that are beside my spirit and better understanding. Revenge is not an emotion, like anger is. Revenge is a tool of some demon, which has been very useful for the legion of them. If you'd like to disagree, I'd encourage you to look at the continent just south of Europe. I believe there will be enough genocide and tribal war there to make a sound judgment. Revenge is not anger. It is an unreasonable act.
Bitterness is not anger, either. I would stress to the reader that anger is an emotion and not an action. It's strictly an expression of a state of being. It does not identify you. Bitterness, and the state of it, does. Being bitter means one does not release a situation in their spirit or heart. It's a state where one person/body has placed a circumstance and/or situation that has wronged and scarred them in front of the other party--and sadly not necessarily the party that may or may not have created the bitter party to be a victim--and uses it as a veil to fuel their own being to prolong the anger emotion past the point in which it is healthy. Bitterness is judgment in one's heart which places one in a position where one cannot help but act out of pain, not out of love. Bitterness, as best I can say, is some cancerous version of anger. Bitterness seeps into our beings and created the opposite of forgiveness, which is much harder to undo than the mere temper tantrum. Bitterness teaches us hate, war, and revenge. Anger teaches us that love isn't present in a situation or ourselves and propels us (if we let it) to pursue acts of righteousness.
Spiritually healthy anger tells us that God is absent from a situation, and that it needs to remedied. Take, for example, when Jesus walked into the temple and saw it taken by men who knew nothing of the responsibility of taking on the Lord's name. He's seeing the very commandment God (or He!) gave Moses on Mount Sinai in Matthew 21. ANGRY, Jesus starts overturning tables in the temple where they are selling, changing money, and having doves for sale (which apparently sets God off). Now, the word "angry" is not found in the chapter (verses 12-15) in the New International Version, from which I am referencing the account, but I doubt people were calling Jesus "chuckles" during this. Take, also, Hosea. God, outright, calls Israel a whore. He even goes as far as to say the girl needs to get the other man out between her breasts. Out of this anger--this sheer frustration--God chooses to say, "but I'm going to win her back. Deep down I know she loves me." God judges Israel for her wrong-doings, but not without letting the nation know how he loves them. He is not bitter. What we gather from scripture is that God acts in anger, but not in the anger we always think. We confuse anger with the things aforementioned, and we say God is an angry God. What a false label! God is not an opinionated, revengeful, or bitter God. If he were, he wouldn't have kept trying. If he was bitter, he would not have sent Jesus. Though I am no master of my tongue, or a noble, righteous soldier in all times of my life, I know that my God is love. His whole being is one who loves.
When we find ourselves labeling God as an angry God, let us remember what anger should be, not necessarily our own bitter, revengeful, or harsh judgments. Let us remember our beautiful, love God for the God he says he is. He is a God who simply does not give up. He will keep finding ways that will have men leave their estranged state (2 Samuel 14:14). Our God is not our conventional thinking, but a lovely, wonderful mystery. Let us find the grace and peace that he offers and hold to the love that he constantly feeds us.
Grace and peace to us all.
Friday, August 7, 2009
The Superman Complex
There are powers beyond powers that lie within words. News headlines, erotic novels, hate letters, graffiti, the bible, religious texts, propaganda, poems, etc. Amazing what different arrangements and adjectives somehow stir up gratuitous amounts of emotion within us which cause us to act; fear-mongering points us to hate, eroticism to self-indulgence, tragedy to compassion, the bible to repentance. Our actions, now within the physical world, spur more troubles and circumstances which may create more conflict or victory: war, peace, love, marriage, divorce, murder. We always seem to tip over terrible dominoes.
I wonder if Jesus, in all his power and capability, ever feels like me in the midst of such things. I, in my finite wisdom and seemingly feeble faith, look at my scarred earth and receive the Superman complex: why can't I, or how can I, save everyone and make everything right? I wonder why, taking all the responsibility on to my shoulders and realizing it's weight, I've not been granted the power to set things right? The complex has a releasing to it: being granted all these powers, I can finally remedy everything! The only issue, really, is being everywhere at once. Timing becomes an issue, BUT! I can change hearts, end bickering, stop war, give infants their moths and children their vacant fathers; I can return unfaithful wives to their husbands and selfish men to their victimized spouses. Finally! I can right all the wrongs. This is a dream, of course, and only the Almighty has the power to overcome such things.
But what even more of a burden to the divine! It's terrible to think this spirit stands in our midst, full of hope and trembling joy to finally right the ailments afflicted on his creation, but looking at me, at his side, with sad eyes. He is a Superman bent on the fact that timing is everything. Then I let my gears turn within about the nature of Him. I get confused and wonder if my God is bound in by the words spoken and written of him. Do we dictate him with these words of ours? Is the solution we have being put to use as a tool for the problem? Does he wait for the prophecy's moment to shine so he can pull back the curtain and show the signs? Or he does he simply wait for something outside the realms and picket fences of our words? I wonder if he just waits for us to realize it all...
I leave my God standing in the street, just as sad as I: waiting. Moving and loving, yes, but still waiting. I thank Him tat I'm not the Superman for the world, but I don't envy him to the slightest degree. I welcome his movements and love to fill my life, and I'll wait with him. I will love and search and change the world where I can, due to the fact that I've been giving the ability to love, but I leave the restoration of all things to God. I do not envy God or strive to be Superman. For if I reached the goal of such a hero, I'm not sure my small heart and soul could hack it. I will love where I can, but only Jesus can wear this sad brow. Any other mortal man would surely die with such a thing to dress himself with.
I wonder if Jesus, in all his power and capability, ever feels like me in the midst of such things. I, in my finite wisdom and seemingly feeble faith, look at my scarred earth and receive the Superman complex: why can't I, or how can I, save everyone and make everything right? I wonder why, taking all the responsibility on to my shoulders and realizing it's weight, I've not been granted the power to set things right? The complex has a releasing to it: being granted all these powers, I can finally remedy everything! The only issue, really, is being everywhere at once. Timing becomes an issue, BUT! I can change hearts, end bickering, stop war, give infants their moths and children their vacant fathers; I can return unfaithful wives to their husbands and selfish men to their victimized spouses. Finally! I can right all the wrongs. This is a dream, of course, and only the Almighty has the power to overcome such things.
But what even more of a burden to the divine! It's terrible to think this spirit stands in our midst, full of hope and trembling joy to finally right the ailments afflicted on his creation, but looking at me, at his side, with sad eyes. He is a Superman bent on the fact that timing is everything. Then I let my gears turn within about the nature of Him. I get confused and wonder if my God is bound in by the words spoken and written of him. Do we dictate him with these words of ours? Is the solution we have being put to use as a tool for the problem? Does he wait for the prophecy's moment to shine so he can pull back the curtain and show the signs? Or he does he simply wait for something outside the realms and picket fences of our words? I wonder if he just waits for us to realize it all...
I leave my God standing in the street, just as sad as I: waiting. Moving and loving, yes, but still waiting. I thank Him tat I'm not the Superman for the world, but I don't envy him to the slightest degree. I welcome his movements and love to fill my life, and I'll wait with him. I will love and search and change the world where I can, due to the fact that I've been giving the ability to love, but I leave the restoration of all things to God. I do not envy God or strive to be Superman. For if I reached the goal of such a hero, I'm not sure my small heart and soul could hack it. I will love where I can, but only Jesus can wear this sad brow. Any other mortal man would surely die with such a thing to dress himself with.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
It's Best to Give Praise When Praise is Due.
I've had a few weeks' worth experience, now, in the realm of dealing with people who are seemingly certifiably insane. I can't claim to be an expert, but I've had my fair share of crazies since taking on this whole thing. I've been frequenting every week, though I haven't been writing about it much. The lack of writing doesn't correlate with lack of motivation, it's more of a need to process the events that have taken place.
I met this one man, Paul, who was this man about 5'6", African-American, homeless, and brash. I had just had a great time with my friend, Bobby, when Paul comes out of NOWHERE and starts giving us a lecture on how my friends and I are all going to hell. At first, I say "Oh, my," and not think anything of it and then I come to the place of, "Oh, crap. If this guy is doing this to everyone he meets (which I'm sure he was), then this is stuff that the good guys have to clean up. This guy is screwing it up for us all!" I end the conversation after he tells us we're all doomed because he's the only true prophet in these parts and he's the only one who'll be saved. I get really frustrated by it, and then it turns into being genuinely pissed off. I get in the van we drove in and I start ranting about how wrong this guy and how he messes up the scriptures more than a Mormon, and then I end up being counseled by my friends to let it go. I calm down on the ride back by listening to Manchester Orchestra, and then I go to sleep.
Throughout the next week, I end up praying for grace and patience for me towards the guy. Turns out, God answers prayer. I find the peace in my heart to let it all go and to love Paul. Regardless if I think he's completely full of it, I'm entitled to turn the other cheek and then turn back in love, grace and peace. I get there the next week and then I end up finding the guy again. My spirit is hesitant but willing to try and get the friendship/acquaintance back on the right foot, so I nervously go over and try to start conversation with him again, but it doesn't really go over well. In fact, it went over about as well as last time. No sooner did I say the words, "How are you today, Paul?" did this guy jump down my throat with post-rapture/tribulation theory. Man, I didn't need that. And then the guy finds out I'm a missionary, claims I'm going to hell, tells me I'm a hypocrite (again), and then says everyone that I think I'm saving from the depth of depression, I'm sending to hell. This hurt me. Bad. And then I apologized for the week before about my anger towards him, thinking that the grace the Lord had clearly given me would work, but it didn't. In fact, I was rejected. And the spirit I tried to spread was snuffed out like a cheap scented candle that no one wants to smell because, instead of smelling like watermelon, it smells like mothballs. I cried the whole 45 minutes home as my friends cradles me in their arms and prayed for me. I listened to Derek Webb and tried to sleep, fearful that I might just actually be what the man was telling me that I was.
This spurred a whole week of feeling like I was worthless. Nice job, Paul. And then I went through the same grueling process of trying to sift out lies from reality (this, I've found, is harder with someone who has a ridiculously active imagination). Was I really a hypocrite? Was everything I thought I was doing for nothing? Was my theology completely false? Did my God love me like I thought he did, or was I just shitting myself? I had a lot to think about, and sort through, but I came out on top. And I still am.
Paul, I forgive you for telling me things you had no right to say. I forgive you even more for how you hurt me and how you told me I was illegitimate. I also forgive you for the other people you've hurt and given a false gospel to. I also pray for you, as you mentioned in passing that your family doesn't speak to you due to how you "spread the good news", and how your fiancee left you. I can only assume this has something to do with the brashness of your words and the tongue that you seem to possess to demoralize someone who holds themselves upright. I forgive you, Paul, because there's no point or gain in hate. You really have nothing on me, and I hope and pray the Lord reveals the truest and most gracious form of love to you ever. Grace and peace to you.
On a brighter note, I've found that God answers prayers. My friend Bobby, if you remember, has a van. This van's carburetor caught on fire. This van then was burnt and almost blew up. Bobby's hand then got pretty cooked. I've never seen this guy without the, "We're going to get through this" sort of face on him. This time, however, he has a little droop on the corners on his mouth, like a kid who just got a lousy report card. He's on disability because his leg got crushed in a motorcycle accident back in '94. He gets one check a month for about enough money to not cover any bills. He went and got a quota to see how much this was going to run him and it came to about $500. It was five hundred more than he had, and he was getting pretty discouraged. A couple of my friends and I prayed for Bobby and for God's provision. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that God can do freakin' anything. If I can be on anti-depressants for three years and then stop and not have any sort of depression anymore, then God can do something for this guy.
Next week we see his van pull up and he honks the horn loudly. (Like I said in earlier posts, orange coat: just as loud personality) He gets out and starts going off about how great God is and how much he provides. As we get past the excitement speeding his speech, it turns out someone did the repair on the carburetor for about 60 bucks: nearly a tenth of what he had been told it would cost. Whether that's luck or prayer, that's still amazing. I'm glad to be part of it. Always.
I've come to the conclusion that Christianity is always harder than I think it is. Every time that I feel I'm on top o' the mountain and secluded from any form of negative emotion, I'm reminded that I live in a world full of humans. Not to say that the world is a sinking ship and we should all jump, but it definitely is a sobering realization that people are very conflicting at points, and sometimes very disturbing. It helps give me a mindset of: this is what I'm in the business for. I'm here to help the broken-heart heal, to give hope to the hopeless and profess and live that peace is the true way (Isaiah 61). There's a time for peace, a time for war, a time for relaxation and a time to settle the score. But in times like these, it's best to give praise when praise is due. Theology is not worth the argument, methodology isn't usually worth getting pissed off about, and love needs to be the ultimate goal. Period.
For all of us who have hurt each other, let us love. Tolerance isn't enough, as we've seen often with the church's unfortunate dropping the ball on most things in America and across the world. As we come to love each other, let us remember what true love is. For all the the times that we've killed one another, stabbed them in the back, destroyed others' spirits, and degrade them to lower than something worth the cost of Christ, let us love. Let us forgive. Let us be the humans God intended us to be.
Grace and peace to all.
"If you care to sing forgiveness songs, come down and join our band. We'll cut you like a sword and we'll sing forgiveness songs."
--mewithoutYou
I met this one man, Paul, who was this man about 5'6", African-American, homeless, and brash. I had just had a great time with my friend, Bobby, when Paul comes out of NOWHERE and starts giving us a lecture on how my friends and I are all going to hell. At first, I say "Oh, my," and not think anything of it and then I come to the place of, "Oh, crap. If this guy is doing this to everyone he meets (which I'm sure he was), then this is stuff that the good guys have to clean up. This guy is screwing it up for us all!" I end the conversation after he tells us we're all doomed because he's the only true prophet in these parts and he's the only one who'll be saved. I get really frustrated by it, and then it turns into being genuinely pissed off. I get in the van we drove in and I start ranting about how wrong this guy and how he messes up the scriptures more than a Mormon, and then I end up being counseled by my friends to let it go. I calm down on the ride back by listening to Manchester Orchestra, and then I go to sleep.
Throughout the next week, I end up praying for grace and patience for me towards the guy. Turns out, God answers prayer. I find the peace in my heart to let it all go and to love Paul. Regardless if I think he's completely full of it, I'm entitled to turn the other cheek and then turn back in love, grace and peace. I get there the next week and then I end up finding the guy again. My spirit is hesitant but willing to try and get the friendship/acquaintance back on the right foot, so I nervously go over and try to start conversation with him again, but it doesn't really go over well. In fact, it went over about as well as last time. No sooner did I say the words, "How are you today, Paul?" did this guy jump down my throat with post-rapture/tribulation theory. Man, I didn't need that. And then the guy finds out I'm a missionary, claims I'm going to hell, tells me I'm a hypocrite (again), and then says everyone that I think I'm saving from the depth of depression, I'm sending to hell. This hurt me. Bad. And then I apologized for the week before about my anger towards him, thinking that the grace the Lord had clearly given me would work, but it didn't. In fact, I was rejected. And the spirit I tried to spread was snuffed out like a cheap scented candle that no one wants to smell because, instead of smelling like watermelon, it smells like mothballs. I cried the whole 45 minutes home as my friends cradles me in their arms and prayed for me. I listened to Derek Webb and tried to sleep, fearful that I might just actually be what the man was telling me that I was.
This spurred a whole week of feeling like I was worthless. Nice job, Paul. And then I went through the same grueling process of trying to sift out lies from reality (this, I've found, is harder with someone who has a ridiculously active imagination). Was I really a hypocrite? Was everything I thought I was doing for nothing? Was my theology completely false? Did my God love me like I thought he did, or was I just shitting myself? I had a lot to think about, and sort through, but I came out on top. And I still am.
Paul, I forgive you for telling me things you had no right to say. I forgive you even more for how you hurt me and how you told me I was illegitimate. I also forgive you for the other people you've hurt and given a false gospel to. I also pray for you, as you mentioned in passing that your family doesn't speak to you due to how you "spread the good news", and how your fiancee left you. I can only assume this has something to do with the brashness of your words and the tongue that you seem to possess to demoralize someone who holds themselves upright. I forgive you, Paul, because there's no point or gain in hate. You really have nothing on me, and I hope and pray the Lord reveals the truest and most gracious form of love to you ever. Grace and peace to you.
On a brighter note, I've found that God answers prayers. My friend Bobby, if you remember, has a van. This van's carburetor caught on fire. This van then was burnt and almost blew up. Bobby's hand then got pretty cooked. I've never seen this guy without the, "We're going to get through this" sort of face on him. This time, however, he has a little droop on the corners on his mouth, like a kid who just got a lousy report card. He's on disability because his leg got crushed in a motorcycle accident back in '94. He gets one check a month for about enough money to not cover any bills. He went and got a quota to see how much this was going to run him and it came to about $500. It was five hundred more than he had, and he was getting pretty discouraged. A couple of my friends and I prayed for Bobby and for God's provision. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that God can do freakin' anything. If I can be on anti-depressants for three years and then stop and not have any sort of depression anymore, then God can do something for this guy.
Next week we see his van pull up and he honks the horn loudly. (Like I said in earlier posts, orange coat: just as loud personality) He gets out and starts going off about how great God is and how much he provides. As we get past the excitement speeding his speech, it turns out someone did the repair on the carburetor for about 60 bucks: nearly a tenth of what he had been told it would cost. Whether that's luck or prayer, that's still amazing. I'm glad to be part of it. Always.
I've come to the conclusion that Christianity is always harder than I think it is. Every time that I feel I'm on top o' the mountain and secluded from any form of negative emotion, I'm reminded that I live in a world full of humans. Not to say that the world is a sinking ship and we should all jump, but it definitely is a sobering realization that people are very conflicting at points, and sometimes very disturbing. It helps give me a mindset of: this is what I'm in the business for. I'm here to help the broken-heart heal, to give hope to the hopeless and profess and live that peace is the true way (Isaiah 61). There's a time for peace, a time for war, a time for relaxation and a time to settle the score. But in times like these, it's best to give praise when praise is due. Theology is not worth the argument, methodology isn't usually worth getting pissed off about, and love needs to be the ultimate goal. Period.
For all of us who have hurt each other, let us love. Tolerance isn't enough, as we've seen often with the church's unfortunate dropping the ball on most things in America and across the world. As we come to love each other, let us remember what true love is. For all the the times that we've killed one another, stabbed them in the back, destroyed others' spirits, and degrade them to lower than something worth the cost of Christ, let us love. Let us forgive. Let us be the humans God intended us to be.
Grace and peace to all.
"If you care to sing forgiveness songs, come down and join our band. We'll cut you like a sword and we'll sing forgiveness songs."
--mewithoutYou
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Death and All His Friends...
Nashville is a great city, but it has it's wounds.
Over the past few weeks, I've made some regular friends I can talk and have good conversations with. I met my friend Bobby last week: a man whose orange coat is about as loud and friendly as he is. He's had quite a bit of heartbreak over the past ten to fifteen years, along with a motor cycle accident and a bipolar fiancee and a recluse spider bite. (If you don't know the type of bite I'm talking about, look it up. Makes for a good squirm in your stomach.) But he stays as happy as he can throughout the junk that's come his way. He's a very humorous person and is sure to have a good time. He hates salad, but lives for the croutons.
I asked him last time if he had been looking around for a job and he said, "No! Why would I look for a job? I'm doing what I love! I make music and I get my check from the government and I don't pay taxes! Why doesn't everyone live like this?! They call me a conformist, but I think I'm okay."
This doesn't help the homeless stereotype, but he's a good guy, nonetheless. This week was a little bit of a downer for him, though. He found out that his sister passed the day he left Texas (which was about three months ago) and his family neglected to tell him. He was pretty upset about it, because she wasn't a Christian, according to him. Apparently she was a drunk and not a light one, either. I didn't pry on what it really was that killed her because, let's be honest, that's not the brightest thing to say when someone finds out that their family kept the death of a sibling from the other sibling. Though everyone else had something to say about the death, and it was a general consensus that his sister was burning her ass off in hell.
Here's where I get really uncomfortable:
It's an obvious "worst-cast-scenario" situation when people tell people about the Lord. The modern Gospel is that Jesus came to save our souls from damnation and reconcile our relationship with the Father God. (Never-we-mind that this take on the gospel is only about 150 years old and the previous "Gospel" was that Jesus came to destroy the devil and his works. This means to destroy hate, war and injustice. But hey, we live in a fallen world right? I guess the prophets and the JC were just kidding about that part.) I don't take the modern gospel lightly, and it's a very serious subject and I could go down a whole other theological rabbit trail, but here's the gist: Do we really want to see everyone go to hell?
No, not at all.
And I don't claim to know everyone who's going to heaven or hell. I think the only one who has that call and authority over this is God. And to say I know the thoughts of God is to say that I'm Jesus. Honestly people, I don't want blasphemy on my head with a stoning sentence as well. I can't handle that this week. It's sound theology to say that those only come to the Father through Jesus. I believe that. I live by that. But in this situation, do I tell Bobby that his sister is spending eternity in somewhere that I can't even give a clear definition of? I believe in hell, I just have no idea what the heck HELL looks like. I don't really like thinking about it.
It makes me very angry when Christians think they have the authority (and sometimes audacity) to tell people where their loved one ended up. Bobby didn't need to hear what those three people said. To tell someone who is hurting that their loved one died, "Well, I guess they're in hell now, aren't they?" What gives us that right? And if someone wants to feed me the scriptures about "we have authority," I'll politely tell you to shove it. We may have authority with the scripture and we have authority over Satan, but I doubt we know the true thoughts of God.
Death is not something that was designed for us. In the garden, there was no pain or death, but the whole sin thing got a hold of the world and now we find ourselves in the mess we have here, readily repairing and waiting for the Lord's total restoration of the world. It's a sad subject, something natural, and something that we can't comprehend until we're there. And death requires silence. Our "authority" or "knowledge" of the subject has no place in the time of pain. Love has no voice many times throughout our lives. And to try and voice love when it has no words to say just has us spitting empty words. And they are words we don't know.
It's like giving a loaded gun to a child.
It doesn't comprehend the power it has, and when we do crap like that...
...we don't even know what love is, then. We just know a bunch of phrases that are as worthless as clay.
As we find death among our lives, let us love. We don't need to tell people their fears. Their fears are to be dealt with however they will be. Sadness needs to take it's course, and grieving must take place.
Hey, even Jesus cried when Lazarus died. But wasn't Lazarus a follower of the Messiah? Why would he cry if he's already "saved"? I don't claim to know everything, but I know when I don't have the answers.
So, Bobby, I don't know if your sister is in hell. I hope she's not, but I'll be here to comfort you. I won't shove words down your throat, and I'll try to lift you up as much as I can. In the meantime, know I love you, and so does our Yeshua Meshiach, and our great father. Grace and peace to you, as well all try to love more and more and repair the broken kingdom.
Let the Kingdom come, because it's at hand.
Blessings.
Tim
Over the past few weeks, I've made some regular friends I can talk and have good conversations with. I met my friend Bobby last week: a man whose orange coat is about as loud and friendly as he is. He's had quite a bit of heartbreak over the past ten to fifteen years, along with a motor cycle accident and a bipolar fiancee and a recluse spider bite. (If you don't know the type of bite I'm talking about, look it up. Makes for a good squirm in your stomach.) But he stays as happy as he can throughout the junk that's come his way. He's a very humorous person and is sure to have a good time. He hates salad, but lives for the croutons.
I asked him last time if he had been looking around for a job and he said, "No! Why would I look for a job? I'm doing what I love! I make music and I get my check from the government and I don't pay taxes! Why doesn't everyone live like this?! They call me a conformist, but I think I'm okay."
This doesn't help the homeless stereotype, but he's a good guy, nonetheless. This week was a little bit of a downer for him, though. He found out that his sister passed the day he left Texas (which was about three months ago) and his family neglected to tell him. He was pretty upset about it, because she wasn't a Christian, according to him. Apparently she was a drunk and not a light one, either. I didn't pry on what it really was that killed her because, let's be honest, that's not the brightest thing to say when someone finds out that their family kept the death of a sibling from the other sibling. Though everyone else had something to say about the death, and it was a general consensus that his sister was burning her ass off in hell.
Here's where I get really uncomfortable:
It's an obvious "worst-cast-scenario" situation when people tell people about the Lord. The modern Gospel is that Jesus came to save our souls from damnation and reconcile our relationship with the Father God. (Never-we-mind that this take on the gospel is only about 150 years old and the previous "Gospel" was that Jesus came to destroy the devil and his works. This means to destroy hate, war and injustice. But hey, we live in a fallen world right? I guess the prophets and the JC were just kidding about that part.) I don't take the modern gospel lightly, and it's a very serious subject and I could go down a whole other theological rabbit trail, but here's the gist: Do we really want to see everyone go to hell?
No, not at all.
And I don't claim to know everyone who's going to heaven or hell. I think the only one who has that call and authority over this is God. And to say I know the thoughts of God is to say that I'm Jesus. Honestly people, I don't want blasphemy on my head with a stoning sentence as well. I can't handle that this week. It's sound theology to say that those only come to the Father through Jesus. I believe that. I live by that. But in this situation, do I tell Bobby that his sister is spending eternity in somewhere that I can't even give a clear definition of? I believe in hell, I just have no idea what the heck HELL looks like. I don't really like thinking about it.
It makes me very angry when Christians think they have the authority (and sometimes audacity) to tell people where their loved one ended up. Bobby didn't need to hear what those three people said. To tell someone who is hurting that their loved one died, "Well, I guess they're in hell now, aren't they?" What gives us that right? And if someone wants to feed me the scriptures about "we have authority," I'll politely tell you to shove it. We may have authority with the scripture and we have authority over Satan, but I doubt we know the true thoughts of God.
Death is not something that was designed for us. In the garden, there was no pain or death, but the whole sin thing got a hold of the world and now we find ourselves in the mess we have here, readily repairing and waiting for the Lord's total restoration of the world. It's a sad subject, something natural, and something that we can't comprehend until we're there. And death requires silence. Our "authority" or "knowledge" of the subject has no place in the time of pain. Love has no voice many times throughout our lives. And to try and voice love when it has no words to say just has us spitting empty words. And they are words we don't know.
It's like giving a loaded gun to a child.
It doesn't comprehend the power it has, and when we do crap like that...
...we don't even know what love is, then. We just know a bunch of phrases that are as worthless as clay.
As we find death among our lives, let us love. We don't need to tell people their fears. Their fears are to be dealt with however they will be. Sadness needs to take it's course, and grieving must take place.
Hey, even Jesus cried when Lazarus died. But wasn't Lazarus a follower of the Messiah? Why would he cry if he's already "saved"? I don't claim to know everything, but I know when I don't have the answers.
So, Bobby, I don't know if your sister is in hell. I hope she's not, but I'll be here to comfort you. I won't shove words down your throat, and I'll try to lift you up as much as I can. In the meantime, know I love you, and so does our Yeshua Meshiach, and our great father. Grace and peace to you, as well all try to love more and more and repair the broken kingdom.
Let the Kingdom come, because it's at hand.
Blessings.
Tim
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Voice Calling from the Wilderness
Nashville's a great city, but it has it's wounds.
This week I would return to the overpass to commune with the lonely and displaced: the refugees of fortune's backlash. I listen to my iPod on the way, listening to bands ranging from Take It Back! to Jon Foreman and M. Ward. If there are things that make me more sensitive to the voice of the omniscient or the beckoning of love, they usually pertain to M. Ward or other neo-folk. And then I listen to the song Ara Batur by Sigur Ros. Every time I hear it, my eyes look up to the sky and I swear I can see a rip in the fabric of the cosmos. God comes alive. And I dine with him.
I have an excitement to my step tonight. I'm eager to search the crowd for John the Anarchist (who provided me with the gospel last week), but as I circle the concrete in anticipation, I don't find him. I get a little sad and stand in the back with the friends I come with. I should call them my family. We all live together and eat together and learn together. I guess that's what families do. (And I have a great one back home to show me such a manifestation of love) I find one of the girls who came with me and we both circle the lines of people, shaking hands and asking how they were doing. Some recognized us from last week, but I see a lot of fresh faces. I inquire the Almighty if there's someone who needs prayer. I come to a guy who's name escapes me at the moment (Lord Almighty, I hate it when that happens. I loathe it). We pray for him and his family. He just got a part-time job at Vanderbilt hospital, and he's hoping for it to promote to fulltime. He has a family, though most of them are grown. He has children and grandchildren. And he's on his way up, and he doesn't want to fall. We retreat to the back supports of the over pass where someone stands guard the "Prayer Request Table" (as the cardboard had it labeled). We all look at the service, whose stage lights have now come on. The rich white people of whatever Baptist church begin to sing their songs with their backtracks, and I get a bit unsettled. Rich white people talking to a bunch of addicts, runaways and just plain people with bad luck about how God provides. I get a bit judgemental and start to get ancy to get the night over with. If John isn't here, what reason am I here for?
And then I see him.
This guy is dantily picking up soda cans out of the trash can. I had seen him before when I first got there, but I didn't talk to him. I was nervous and I wanted only to see John, so I just kinda patted his shoulder and said, "Hey man, grace and peace." Now, here he is in front of me, picking up some spare change from the garbage. I feel the push and the girl forementioned follows me again. I say, "Hey, how's it going?" and smile a big smile because I know I'm about to get to smell like the inside of some grandfather's armpit. I unzip my sweatshirt and pull of my sweater. I have a single white t-shirt on, and I start to dig through the salisbury steak and the veggies to get to the off-brand tin that would get this guy at least some moolah. My friend, the girl, comes and joins in and the victim of our help let's out a little "Ooo!" out of shear suprise. After we get enough sauce on our hands, he says thank you about a million times and we move on to the next one. And then the next one after that, and the next one after that; and the one of after that. We end up going through five garbage cans around the sanctuary. We managed to get someone hand-sanitizer from the ladies in the food trailers, but rubbing alcohol ain't gonna rub that stank away. I put my shirts back on and zip up my hoodie, and I smile. I shake his hand firmly and look right at him when he repeats, "Thank y'all! Thank y'all so much! Name's Clint! Thank y'all! Y'all wonderful! God bless ya!"
But admist our own mission, we see Clint starting to go and grab everyone's trash and throw it out for them. He actually goes through the probably one hundred fifty people and cleans it all up for everyone. And then we see other people giving him their cans, and this cycle of people cleaning up and helping each other booms! It was a truly wonderful sight to see.
God is good.
I had also talked to a guy named Mike. He'd been out on the streets for a few weeks, or some short length of time. He'd gotten caught up in drinking and all that goes with it, which isn't anything pleasant. He said he'd been drinking heavily for two years and then it just caught up with him. I pray with him and there were specific words and phrases within the prayers that rang completely true with him. They were factors that he'd actually be struggling with, which made me feel glad that the spirit used me. Selfish, I know, but I was happy to be able to talk with the guy and help him out as much as I can.
I stayed with him the rest of the service, not even talking much, but just sitting with him. He was smiling and young. The guy's not deranged or anything, nor is he old. He's only gotta be about 24...26 at the most. He's tall and pretty fit. Just a bad stroke o' luck, and it sucks. And sometimes, looking at these services, I feel like the barrier is still there. I feel as if the social classes are two levels of Dante's Inferno. Each having it's own torture, but we got there one way or another and we have to deal with it. This, however, can be remedied easily by a shake of hand and exchanging of words. He was glad I was there I would see him the next week.
I saw Clint that next week (which I guess is this week now) as well. I helped him get his cans again, and we were actually told we were distracting attention from the service, so we took our garbage cans behind the cement barrier. Which is funny. I figured church service wouldn't mind us helping out the poor, but I guess it was a bit distracting from the hype booming from the pre-recorded tracks and rich whiteys.
But that's a very judgemental statement and I complied with something they wanted us to do. To make a scene is to be prideful. But pray for Clint. His car payment is due, he's got no money, and someone stole all of his cans (and he had a crap load of cans.) So, lady luck is not so helpful right now.
It's late on a friday night and I'm tired. This is a lousy ending to a great story, but my body is punishing me right now.
May grace and peace reach us all.
Let us bring the kingdom closer.
Love wins.
This week I would return to the overpass to commune with the lonely and displaced: the refugees of fortune's backlash. I listen to my iPod on the way, listening to bands ranging from Take It Back! to Jon Foreman and M. Ward. If there are things that make me more sensitive to the voice of the omniscient or the beckoning of love, they usually pertain to M. Ward or other neo-folk. And then I listen to the song Ara Batur by Sigur Ros. Every time I hear it, my eyes look up to the sky and I swear I can see a rip in the fabric of the cosmos. God comes alive. And I dine with him.
I have an excitement to my step tonight. I'm eager to search the crowd for John the Anarchist (who provided me with the gospel last week), but as I circle the concrete in anticipation, I don't find him. I get a little sad and stand in the back with the friends I come with. I should call them my family. We all live together and eat together and learn together. I guess that's what families do. (And I have a great one back home to show me such a manifestation of love) I find one of the girls who came with me and we both circle the lines of people, shaking hands and asking how they were doing. Some recognized us from last week, but I see a lot of fresh faces. I inquire the Almighty if there's someone who needs prayer. I come to a guy who's name escapes me at the moment (Lord Almighty, I hate it when that happens. I loathe it). We pray for him and his family. He just got a part-time job at Vanderbilt hospital, and he's hoping for it to promote to fulltime. He has a family, though most of them are grown. He has children and grandchildren. And he's on his way up, and he doesn't want to fall. We retreat to the back supports of the over pass where someone stands guard the "Prayer Request Table" (as the cardboard had it labeled). We all look at the service, whose stage lights have now come on. The rich white people of whatever Baptist church begin to sing their songs with their backtracks, and I get a bit unsettled. Rich white people talking to a bunch of addicts, runaways and just plain people with bad luck about how God provides. I get a bit judgemental and start to get ancy to get the night over with. If John isn't here, what reason am I here for?
And then I see him.
This guy is dantily picking up soda cans out of the trash can. I had seen him before when I first got there, but I didn't talk to him. I was nervous and I wanted only to see John, so I just kinda patted his shoulder and said, "Hey man, grace and peace." Now, here he is in front of me, picking up some spare change from the garbage. I feel the push and the girl forementioned follows me again. I say, "Hey, how's it going?" and smile a big smile because I know I'm about to get to smell like the inside of some grandfather's armpit. I unzip my sweatshirt and pull of my sweater. I have a single white t-shirt on, and I start to dig through the salisbury steak and the veggies to get to the off-brand tin that would get this guy at least some moolah. My friend, the girl, comes and joins in and the victim of our help let's out a little "Ooo!" out of shear suprise. After we get enough sauce on our hands, he says thank you about a million times and we move on to the next one. And then the next one after that, and the next one after that; and the one of after that. We end up going through five garbage cans around the sanctuary. We managed to get someone hand-sanitizer from the ladies in the food trailers, but rubbing alcohol ain't gonna rub that stank away. I put my shirts back on and zip up my hoodie, and I smile. I shake his hand firmly and look right at him when he repeats, "Thank y'all! Thank y'all so much! Name's Clint! Thank y'all! Y'all wonderful! God bless ya!"
But admist our own mission, we see Clint starting to go and grab everyone's trash and throw it out for them. He actually goes through the probably one hundred fifty people and cleans it all up for everyone. And then we see other people giving him their cans, and this cycle of people cleaning up and helping each other booms! It was a truly wonderful sight to see.
God is good.
I had also talked to a guy named Mike. He'd been out on the streets for a few weeks, or some short length of time. He'd gotten caught up in drinking and all that goes with it, which isn't anything pleasant. He said he'd been drinking heavily for two years and then it just caught up with him. I pray with him and there were specific words and phrases within the prayers that rang completely true with him. They were factors that he'd actually be struggling with, which made me feel glad that the spirit used me. Selfish, I know, but I was happy to be able to talk with the guy and help him out as much as I can.
I stayed with him the rest of the service, not even talking much, but just sitting with him. He was smiling and young. The guy's not deranged or anything, nor is he old. He's only gotta be about 24...26 at the most. He's tall and pretty fit. Just a bad stroke o' luck, and it sucks. And sometimes, looking at these services, I feel like the barrier is still there. I feel as if the social classes are two levels of Dante's Inferno. Each having it's own torture, but we got there one way or another and we have to deal with it. This, however, can be remedied easily by a shake of hand and exchanging of words. He was glad I was there I would see him the next week.
I saw Clint that next week (which I guess is this week now) as well. I helped him get his cans again, and we were actually told we were distracting attention from the service, so we took our garbage cans behind the cement barrier. Which is funny. I figured church service wouldn't mind us helping out the poor, but I guess it was a bit distracting from the hype booming from the pre-recorded tracks and rich whiteys.
But that's a very judgemental statement and I complied with something they wanted us to do. To make a scene is to be prideful. But pray for Clint. His car payment is due, he's got no money, and someone stole all of his cans (and he had a crap load of cans.) So, lady luck is not so helpful right now.
It's late on a friday night and I'm tired. This is a lousy ending to a great story, but my body is punishing me right now.
May grace and peace reach us all.
Let us bring the kingdom closer.
Love wins.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
The Gospel According to John the Anarchist
Nashville is a wonderful city. It's the musical city, which is right up my ally. I'm a multi-instrumentalist, and every chance I get to listen to music or play, I take it. It's warm, welcoming weather and pleasant systems of streets and corners reminds me of PA in the summer, but the north just doesn't have the southern flare. Pennsylvania doesn't offer people shredding their guitar necks so much it looks like they're going to crack the fretboard right off the whole instrument in every bar or club you walk by. And every time I hear those strings sing, I melt. I absolutely melt. It's a great city, clean, but has it's hidden wounds.
Nashville is great. Lots of churches. Lots of people.
And lots of poverty.
I'm a man of faith. By that I don't mean I just believe in some God. I believe that Jesus Christ died to save my soul, and also to totally unite creation under a banner and declaration of love and peace. I'm part of a missionary organization called Youth With a Mission and I'm looking to do God's will. And bring the kingdom out of each one of us, even though the general consensus is that the Kingdom is somewhere distant and unable to be seen.
I recently spent a late afternoon under an overpass. It was windy, with a storm coming through and the ceiling of concrete vacuuming the dirt into everyone's eyes. I'm here for a soup kitchen ministry called "Under the Bridge" Ministries. It's a ministry which provides an incredible amount of food for a good size group of people. The count could have easily touched around 200. It also holds a church service or the homeless who come, and most of the congregation participates, but there's still a high number that isn't sobre, so they stand off to the side and swap salvaged cigarettes. One guy looks like he just got out of surgery, with incisions fresh on his stomach and ribs, and what looks like a stab wound. He stumbles along the overpass cabin with a crooked smile on his face. I doubt he knows where he is, and he gets sincerely convicted to bow in front of the girls I was with to pray when the time came. It was a good effort, but the ladies weren't having it. Sorry, Outpatient Joe.
I'm not directly in the ministry or even involved, but I'm there to converse with the homeless. Keep in mind, they're not an invisible species. Shocking, I know, but I'm fairly certain they can do the whole chameleon jam in front of rainforests and lakes, just not brick. So, they're pretty clear to spot. I like conversing with them. It keeps me humble and thankful, though I'm still income-less and botched out of an insurance plan. Plus, they have the greatest stories. Always.
I begin to walk and pray. It's interesting to see who comes. It's mostly individuals, but I see little clusters of families in line, waiting for their pasta and chicken and bread. A fitting meal for a luke-warm day. I circle around the whole crowd and kick a rock around back to my group. The head staff member with us comes with me to talk to some people who have sat on the sidewalk. I look at each one: Nope; nope; nope; ...yes. That one.
A man with a beard so large that he talks with a moustache (you know, like a santa claus character in a cartoon movie? No lips. just the upper 'stache.) sits eating. I ask to sit.
"Of course! It's all God's creation! I'm just borrowing it for a bit." I chuckle at his statement as I find it beatiful and profound. I rest my butt on the patch of grass near him and the girl eases down. We begin to talk small talk: What's your name? You come here often? So you believe? etc. etc. And then we get to the dirty talk: How's about this situation we have on our hands?
We begin to converse about the world and it's state and we share--actually, more like he vents. I mean, he does nothing but think all day, every day. He's got a lot to get off of his chest, so I cut him some slack. he raves about the war in Iraq and says war doesn't give anything good to anyone. It's just something else to get capital, as he gives the example of our economic climb out of the depression a result of our crippling most of the world with the Allies' effort against tyranny. Which, I could agree with that statement. I hate the fact the world is torn by war, and that America is very much an empire in many ways, but I always wrestle with justifications and boundaries of killing. My mind swims in very muddy waters of whether or not we can justify murder, and whether Jesus says we should or not.
John, this guy I'm talking to, seems like a total anarchist. Which is a bit of an exaggeration. I tend to exaggerate due to the fact that it's natural to do so in Lancaster, PA. Case and point, I'm out casted as the local liberal (which really means I'm alright with welfare and I think Barack Obama ain't that bad of a dude. Apparently, he's evil, but I don't think clinging to our guns because the guy has roots in Kenya is a good idea, folks. We can let this go. This doesn't change who our savior is.) But I always get smashed a called a democrat for that particular reason and for the fact that I didn't think Bush did such a hot job. Also, I'm nowhere near a democrat, for the record. You can write it down. It'll be an answer to the quiz later on. But this guy has his opinions about authority. And they're pretty liberal. But he's also smart when he talks about labor unions and companies and local economy. This guy isn't dumb. He thinks.
We shift gears to talk about materialism. He goes on about how it's really very silly that we feel the need for all these houses and things we can't afford. And I agree, painfully, as I reflect on so many christians I see with their "blessings" and "gifts" from above. But I swallow my pride, as I come from a middle-class background, and I have no place to judge people.
But mansions do piss me off something fierce.
I confess to him I fall short to the glory and that I'm not perfect and-
He stops me dead in my tracks, without hesiation, declaring, "Of course you are. So am I, man."
What do you mean?
What do you think the cross did? I screwed up in my life. I've made many mistakes. The shit has hit the fan for me, and I know it. I've had the best fifty years I could ever ask for, but that doesn't mean I got it right. And he redeems and sustains me every day. How can you look at the cross and at what Jesus did and not call yourself perfect? He died on that cross to make you perfect and for you to believe that you're complete. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. You are completely perfect and made whole. That's what Christ did. He completes you and me every day. We get it wrong, but he still calls us into his courts. We're perfected, son. Perfected.
I sit silent.
And so does the girl.
He looks at me and smiles through a squint, because I really can't see his lips at all. I just know smiles by cheek raisings and lowerings. And then he shrugs his shoulders while smiling to show his satisfaction with what he knows to be true. As if he let Jesus talk for a sec and looks at us to ask, "Wasn't that freakin great?!" He believes this stuff. And he talks about his kids like they're the greatest thing to happen to him. He adds on that when he held his little girl for the first time, it was like he knew what God felt for us. And he loved that children where in the world, because they make us realize how much bigger everything is.
Because God, as I have found, if more than we say.
He.
Is.
I keep listening to his love story of his daughter and I see sincerity in his eyes. We all have fun chatting and discussing everything from hating the crave you get after not smoking for a few days to some shipping docks he's worked on. You can spot a liar, usually, and this guy has legit written all over him. Plus, I can't keep my eyes off this dude's beard. It's well kept and combed very neatly.
We finish off the conversation with our reassuring each other that his plan is perfect, and that America isn't the Kingdom that God intended, though it masks it very well. We talk about the creation and community and local economy being things that aren't unrealistic goals. And for a while I have hope. I have hope from a homeless man other than my savior. Usually when I talk to individuals about more welfare and federal programs, they say bridging society's gaps is very socialist and scary and destroys liberty. (And we should all model after freedom fighters like Rush Limbaugh. It's safe to say I vomit to that statement.) And when I speak of everyone having the capability in them to help each other out and provide for one another, I get the response of idealistic utopias which can't exist because people aren't perfect and it just won't happen. It's unrealistic and intangible.
But what if, and go with me here, I can really help people because the cross enables me to be perfect like St. John the Anarchist says? Or like how Philippians 4:13 tells me I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me?
Something to ponder.
May we all bring the Kingdom closer to the earth through His love and grace.
Nashville is great. Lots of churches. Lots of people.
And lots of poverty.
I'm a man of faith. By that I don't mean I just believe in some God. I believe that Jesus Christ died to save my soul, and also to totally unite creation under a banner and declaration of love and peace. I'm part of a missionary organization called Youth With a Mission and I'm looking to do God's will. And bring the kingdom out of each one of us, even though the general consensus is that the Kingdom is somewhere distant and unable to be seen.
I recently spent a late afternoon under an overpass. It was windy, with a storm coming through and the ceiling of concrete vacuuming the dirt into everyone's eyes. I'm here for a soup kitchen ministry called "Under the Bridge" Ministries. It's a ministry which provides an incredible amount of food for a good size group of people. The count could have easily touched around 200. It also holds a church service or the homeless who come, and most of the congregation participates, but there's still a high number that isn't sobre, so they stand off to the side and swap salvaged cigarettes. One guy looks like he just got out of surgery, with incisions fresh on his stomach and ribs, and what looks like a stab wound. He stumbles along the overpass cabin with a crooked smile on his face. I doubt he knows where he is, and he gets sincerely convicted to bow in front of the girls I was with to pray when the time came. It was a good effort, but the ladies weren't having it. Sorry, Outpatient Joe.
I'm not directly in the ministry or even involved, but I'm there to converse with the homeless. Keep in mind, they're not an invisible species. Shocking, I know, but I'm fairly certain they can do the whole chameleon jam in front of rainforests and lakes, just not brick. So, they're pretty clear to spot. I like conversing with them. It keeps me humble and thankful, though I'm still income-less and botched out of an insurance plan. Plus, they have the greatest stories. Always.
I begin to walk and pray. It's interesting to see who comes. It's mostly individuals, but I see little clusters of families in line, waiting for their pasta and chicken and bread. A fitting meal for a luke-warm day. I circle around the whole crowd and kick a rock around back to my group. The head staff member with us comes with me to talk to some people who have sat on the sidewalk. I look at each one: Nope; nope; nope; ...yes. That one.
A man with a beard so large that he talks with a moustache (you know, like a santa claus character in a cartoon movie? No lips. just the upper 'stache.) sits eating. I ask to sit.
"Of course! It's all God's creation! I'm just borrowing it for a bit." I chuckle at his statement as I find it beatiful and profound. I rest my butt on the patch of grass near him and the girl eases down. We begin to talk small talk: What's your name? You come here often? So you believe? etc. etc. And then we get to the dirty talk: How's about this situation we have on our hands?
We begin to converse about the world and it's state and we share--actually, more like he vents. I mean, he does nothing but think all day, every day. He's got a lot to get off of his chest, so I cut him some slack. he raves about the war in Iraq and says war doesn't give anything good to anyone. It's just something else to get capital, as he gives the example of our economic climb out of the depression a result of our crippling most of the world with the Allies' effort against tyranny. Which, I could agree with that statement. I hate the fact the world is torn by war, and that America is very much an empire in many ways, but I always wrestle with justifications and boundaries of killing. My mind swims in very muddy waters of whether or not we can justify murder, and whether Jesus says we should or not.
John, this guy I'm talking to, seems like a total anarchist. Which is a bit of an exaggeration. I tend to exaggerate due to the fact that it's natural to do so in Lancaster, PA. Case and point, I'm out casted as the local liberal (which really means I'm alright with welfare and I think Barack Obama ain't that bad of a dude. Apparently, he's evil, but I don't think clinging to our guns because the guy has roots in Kenya is a good idea, folks. We can let this go. This doesn't change who our savior is.) But I always get smashed a called a democrat for that particular reason and for the fact that I didn't think Bush did such a hot job. Also, I'm nowhere near a democrat, for the record. You can write it down. It'll be an answer to the quiz later on. But this guy has his opinions about authority. And they're pretty liberal. But he's also smart when he talks about labor unions and companies and local economy. This guy isn't dumb. He thinks.
We shift gears to talk about materialism. He goes on about how it's really very silly that we feel the need for all these houses and things we can't afford. And I agree, painfully, as I reflect on so many christians I see with their "blessings" and "gifts" from above. But I swallow my pride, as I come from a middle-class background, and I have no place to judge people.
But mansions do piss me off something fierce.
I confess to him I fall short to the glory and that I'm not perfect and-
He stops me dead in my tracks, without hesiation, declaring, "Of course you are. So am I, man."
What do you mean?
What do you think the cross did? I screwed up in my life. I've made many mistakes. The shit has hit the fan for me, and I know it. I've had the best fifty years I could ever ask for, but that doesn't mean I got it right. And he redeems and sustains me every day. How can you look at the cross and at what Jesus did and not call yourself perfect? He died on that cross to make you perfect and for you to believe that you're complete. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. You are completely perfect and made whole. That's what Christ did. He completes you and me every day. We get it wrong, but he still calls us into his courts. We're perfected, son. Perfected.
I sit silent.
And so does the girl.
He looks at me and smiles through a squint, because I really can't see his lips at all. I just know smiles by cheek raisings and lowerings. And then he shrugs his shoulders while smiling to show his satisfaction with what he knows to be true. As if he let Jesus talk for a sec and looks at us to ask, "Wasn't that freakin great?!" He believes this stuff. And he talks about his kids like they're the greatest thing to happen to him. He adds on that when he held his little girl for the first time, it was like he knew what God felt for us. And he loved that children where in the world, because they make us realize how much bigger everything is.
Because God, as I have found, if more than we say.
He.
Is.
I keep listening to his love story of his daughter and I see sincerity in his eyes. We all have fun chatting and discussing everything from hating the crave you get after not smoking for a few days to some shipping docks he's worked on. You can spot a liar, usually, and this guy has legit written all over him. Plus, I can't keep my eyes off this dude's beard. It's well kept and combed very neatly.
We finish off the conversation with our reassuring each other that his plan is perfect, and that America isn't the Kingdom that God intended, though it masks it very well. We talk about the creation and community and local economy being things that aren't unrealistic goals. And for a while I have hope. I have hope from a homeless man other than my savior. Usually when I talk to individuals about more welfare and federal programs, they say bridging society's gaps is very socialist and scary and destroys liberty. (And we should all model after freedom fighters like Rush Limbaugh. It's safe to say I vomit to that statement.) And when I speak of everyone having the capability in them to help each other out and provide for one another, I get the response of idealistic utopias which can't exist because people aren't perfect and it just won't happen. It's unrealistic and intangible.
But what if, and go with me here, I can really help people because the cross enables me to be perfect like St. John the Anarchist says? Or like how Philippians 4:13 tells me I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me?
Something to ponder.
May we all bring the Kingdom closer to the earth through His love and grace.
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